Sundays in Singapore

Monday September 14th 2009

Keith: Several people have asked just how different a typical weekend is in Singapore compared to San Francisco. This Sunday provided a few pointers:

Midnight Sat/Sun: Invite friends back home for drinks after dinner, and turn on TV to watch final 30 minutes of Arsenal losing to Manchester City. Suspect I may have erred with choice of entertainment when Shawn leaves abruptly at 00.10am in order to "spend more time with my new bathrobe"

00.15: Question wisdom of choice of full English Breakfast plus baked beans for dinner

00.31am: Celebrate when Spurs take unlikely lead against Manchester United. Spend next 89 minutes trying to refrain from deploying 'f' and 'c' words in polite company as United score three.

2.20am: Go to bed

8.00am: Use up entire backlog of 'f' and 'c' words after being woken by sound of hammering from Temple next door. Point out to everyone within 100-yard radius that if I wanted to get woken by construction every Sunday morning I'd have bought a f***ing tent and parked it on the f***ing Bay Bridge.

11am: Better rested, able to politely admire sound of drums, trumpets and song wafting in from second Temple on the other side of apartment

Noon: Finalize plans for my own non-denominational religious ceremony, beginning at 5am every morning with 15 cannons and an F-14 fly-past

1pm: Cater for newly-acquired love of salmon and tuna sushi, but remain suspicious of merits of accompanying shaves of ginger

4 - 4.30pm: Apply insect repellent and sunscreen; locate umbrella; change into synthetic clothing; hike 100 yards to Starbucks

8.00pm: Meet neighbor's smelly dog in elevator, hold breath for five floors

8.01-9.00pm: Enjoy impromptu sauna while losing to Courtney at tennis

9.30pm: Mourn the loss of Larry the baby Lizard, whose brief life comes to an untimely end after he hides next to the hinges on the inside of the bathroom door, failing to anticipate what will happen when the door closes. Muse on general lack of spatial awareness among inhabitants of Asia

9.31pm: Agree with Courtney that a squashed lizard stuck to the doorframe does indeed look disgusting

9.32pm: Point out to Courtney that since she shut the door - albeit unaware of Larry's presence - she should clear up the mess. Dig out 'trailing spouse' contract to reference absence of clauses relating to handling of reptile carcasses

9.40: Eat fabulous spaghetti meatballs, accompanied by surprisingly modest quantities of wine

12.30-2am: Watch US Open.

As you can see, it really is a unique tropical experience...